Blocking You Does Not Mean I hate You

ASSAALAMUALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAHI WABARAKAATUH AHLAN WASAHLAN WA MARHABAN BIKUM. 

In all my experience having my own sort of online life or I'd rather call my not-so-private personal space online, I have to admit that I have been blocking a lot of people for so many reasons. On Facebook and Yahoo Messenger especially. It is not that you don't do it yourselves right? -.-' What I want to stress here is; Blocking does not mean that I hate them actually but it is more about me not being comfortable having them in the space I have created for myself.

I once said that blocking people is not normal. I will never block people I know. Yes, how would the people we block feel when we block them? How hurtful it would be knowing that somebody is not comfortable with them. Once, I have a friend blocking people on her Facebook. She had a lot of problems at that time with those people, but not including me. I argued with her for what she had done and she was so badly hurt having a friend who seemed to not understand her, me. At that time, I thought that it is something not relevant, something unnecessary to be done as it shows our hatred to the people but now, I regard myself wrong for having that thought at that time. :'(

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Now, I know she had a very good reason for doing that. I, myself have a very good reason to do just that now. Without we knowing, there is a lot of people who keeps building intense pressure and stress in me. In short, they are the carriers of the negative elements who i have to eliminate as fast as I could before anything worse happen to me. I don't hate them I suppose, but it is more to not liking having them in my life. I remember blocking an Indian man for having my picture on his Facebook. Yes, it is true that he did not harm me by doing that. He did not edit or do irresponsible stuff with my picture but I did not like him for what he did. So, I blocked him. I still not regard myself as his hater until now.

On Yahoo Messenger, I think hundreds of people are listed in my Blocked List. Ohh. One thing, do you know Yahoo Messenger or am I the last person on Earth to use this so-long-forgotten Chatroom? Kih3. Ok. back to the blocked people. Most of them are those who disturbed me by sending inappropriate messages. Any kind, sexual harassment, threatening messages. You know right? They are unknowns. I dont know them and they dont know me. How can I hate people that I dont even know but they are still in my Blocked List. See? It is just that I kind of feel they make me become bad. They are the bad influence that I should distance myself away from them.

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However, they are few I block because of the hurts they caused that is too memorable that I just can't delete it. I still don't consider myself hating them but blocking them is just a way to lessen the burden and to avoid myself from hating them. You see, when you are angry and full of hatred, you will not think as rational as you always be but blocking people who have hurt me so terribly is the most rational thing that I could ever think of doing. A friend who questioned my religion for supporting a different side than his. A person who writes badly about me when I consider her as a good person, a supportive one. A friend who talks badly about me publicly so that I can see and get hurt. A friend who priorities her just-known girlfriend rather compared to years-known me. How can i let people who keep putting pressure in me remain in my friend list? :3

Musim sebelum, semasa dan selepas PR 13 ini ramai yang 'unfriend' satu sama lain. Perlu difahami 'Unfriend' di facebook JANGAN SESEKALI ditafsir MEMUTUS SILATURRAHIM. Ia pada banyak ketikanya dilakukan kerana apa yang dikongsi oleh kawan itu, dirasakan tidak sesuai untuk dibiar terpapar di wall kita. Justeru, tanggungjawab kita agar tidak 'bersubahat', atau kita tidk mahu menyakiti dia dengan pendapat kita yang tidak mampu diterimanya atau ada ketika, wujud pandangan yang melampau, umpatan, fitnah, sembang kosong yang lagha, link & gambar yang berdosa dll. TIDAK PUTUS ok..hanya 'unfriend' di facebook, masih kawan di alam realiti Insha Allah.

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I don't know. Maybe, it seems childish to you and you but it is just what I really need for me. Perhaps it is selfish in a way but that this selfish way is the only way. It is too hurtful to let them in my friend lists when I don't consider them as friends anymore. It is too hurtful that I just have something to hold on to show that I have an option to choose when I am in state of not knowing what to do. It is some sort of a rope that I can still hold strong to when I have nobody offering me a hand to lift me up from a baseless deep hole. Maybe one day I will unblock them. It is not that I hope they will come back to me but when I do that, I might have found the strength to see them on my news feed and smile when I meet them in real life. Maybe at that time the bruises they caused have turned to hideous scars that don't hurt as much but will never disappear.

Guys, I am so sorry for having this stressful entry. I always hope to spread happiness on my blog but I am a normal people that at one point I become lost. I don't know what to do and what to say and finally I just find this blog to pour my heart out. I am so much sorry if this entry does not benefit you and yet you still keep on reading until here. You see, girls like to share. :'(

XOXO. keep loving, stop hating. no smiley to fake a smile today. sorry :'(